A short pecker story
by fanfictionpolicesuck
Summary: Its a stupid story I worked up one night after a fun experience lol, it is 5:53 am so it might be funny, its about Frodo and hobbits getting shipped off some were and a weird gang of people take them. a stupid cocky model nanny and a red head.
1. Funky monkey!

A short pecker story!!

Yes I am aware this is non sense, I am bored, and it is 5:03 am, and I am going to fall asleep but I wanted to get a story up real fast. I don't usually right this kind of stuff, ill put better material up later.

Two hobbits skipped down the rode of the shire. They hummed a tune and smoked some tobacco. They noticed Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin walking up the road. " Look, can it be!" the brown haired Hobbit said pointing. " Don't point you nerd, they have swords they'll chop off your pointing finger," the black haired hobbit said. " oh," he said pulling in his finger and holding it. " Lets greet them chomp," he said slapping the brown haired one in the back. " Ouch, hey wait for me!" the brown haired hobbit said.

" Look Mr. Frodo, were home, were at the shire," he said bobbing his head happily. " Yes Sam, were home, thank you Sam," he said nodding his cute head at Sam. They waked towards the two happy boys as a large cracking noise reached the sky and a crack of lightning struck them all. They all shrieked then passed out. When they woke up they looked around.

" I don't think were in the shire any more merry," Pippin said looking around. " No duh pippin, its commonsense," Merry said hitting pippin up side the head. " hey that's not nice," a girl with blond hair said whipping her hair around. They all stared at her like there was nothing else. She stood there with her hands upon her hips as she flipped her hair. They sat there watching her in slow motion as the wind blew her hair around. " Ok Trinity lets not give the boys a hard one now," her little friend said standing next to her.

" who are you?" Sam asked the red headed, freckled, short, chubby, girl with glasses. " I'm Sassily, and that's my model nanny Trinity," she said snorting. " what race are you?" Pippin asked interestedly. " I'm human, you?" she said pushing up her glasses an hugging her books as she winks at him. Merry gives pippin a jeez look behind her back. " what are you giving me that pretty boy smirk for?" the nanny said in her French accent. Pippin shrugged his shoulder and went to ran to her; but merry grabbed the back of his shirt.

" were hobbits," Frodo said looking at the red head carefully. " Oh, right, hobbits, I thought Halloween past," she said putting her chubby finger to her lips. " Halloween? What is that? Is that your leader?" Sam said looking at her red hair. " Yes my hair is red, but so is yours fat so," she said pulling her hair back into a pony tail. " Jeez no, I never meant to offend you. But we need to get back to the shire," Sam said looking at Frodo. " your serious aren't you?" she snorted again. They all shook there heads yes. They were nervous of this place. They hadn't been here or heard of here before.

" Come with me, ill help you find the shrimp fryer," she said grabbing Pippins hand. He turned to Merry and gave him a nervous look. " it's the shire," Sam yelled to her. " right, the shire," she said nodding she understood. " freaky drunks," she said under her breath. " hello! Trinity! Stop looking at your self in a mirror," Sassily yelled to the nanny who was putting on lip stick. " Oh all right," she said in her accent. The boys all looked at her. " come on," she said tugging the day dreaming Pippin.

Trinity flipped her hair then walked down the road like a model. She looked at all the men looking at her. " Don't even think about it! Your not good enough for this! Well you can think about it, I am totally hot, I even think about my self," she yelled then spoke the ending. Sassily just rolled her brown eyes. When they reached the little girls house they looked around at the huge size of it. She waved to the maids and introduced the hobbits to every one.

" aren't they short?" a older maid asked. " yes and this one is my boy friend," she said trying to kiss pippin. " your so cute," she said rubbing his arm. " help!" he screamed. " Mr. Frodo don't you worry now, it will all be alright," Sam said hugging Frodo. " Sam not now, the model nanny is looking at me," Frodo said pushing away from Sam. "yes Mr. Frodo," Sam said sadly. She waved to him. He waved back and looked at her and fainted. " stupid girl, she stole my man," Sam said glaring at the beauty and beast.

" what did I call her? Beauty and beast? But why? Because she stole my Mr. Frodo, stupid girl, we hates girl, we want are master," Sam started to mutter to him self. " Sam?" Frodo said looking at him curiously.

" stay away Frodo! There is something wrong with me," he said backing into a corner. They heard a loud noise and a large motor bike came crashing through the window. " Grandpa you old geezer, get off that bike," The red head girl said running to her grandfather. " hello Hidey, when did you get so, so, Harry," he said lifting her frizzy red hair. " when you got onto that bike you smelly old man," she said looking at her weird grandfather. " ah, look, you were able to finally have babies, look I am a grand pappy," he said taking the helmet off of his head to reveal the long white beard. " Pappy I'm still eleven," she said looking at him angrily. " oh, right, well, you adopted them?" he asked looking confused. " you obviously don't wear that helmet often enough, no more whiskey and jack Daniels for you boozy," she said shoving his helmet back onto his head.

But they were suppose to meet me for boys night," he said getting back onto his bike. " come on you cant be that dumb," she said wobbling around. " go score with the deli lady again you idiot," she said meanly. " fine, but I'm taking my grandson," he said grabbing Pippin. " what?" Pippin said as the old man shoved a helmet on his head. He then started the motorcycle and rode back out the window. " by the god!!!!!" Pippin yelled as it was muffled by the wind whipping his wind burned face. The old man stopped in front of a large shop.

It was about an hour later and the old man brought back his 'grandson'. " Pippin!" Merry yelled running to his friend. " Dude, look at this," Pippin said lifting up the sleeve of his arm. " Ahh! There is a picture on your arm get it off!" he yelled slapping the tattoo. " Ouch!" he yelled as he grabbed hi arm. " oh god what's happening!" They all yelled.

authors note

Yeah I know its stupid, but I'm tired and well, this is for people who want to read it, if you don't like it, I understand, and if your being a prick to be one then I'm sorry for you fruit wanna bees… I didn't read over it or anything, so I bet its really sucky… lol…

Thanks Halley


	2. Authors note! To Flamers but mostly Fanf...

To: Fanfiction's Police/Saviour/Antichrist

Ok… I know you think your cool or something, but you need to just realize that all you are is annoying. I don't know if that was what you were reaching for, or if you just happen to me naturally a pest. I don't usually write stories like that, but then again I really don't care what you or any flamer thinks of my stories, or even just this one. Even if I made it so that they were all Mary sues and they saved the world in one sentence… I wouldn't care how "God-awful" it is, I still wouldn't care what you had to think about it.

Well at least I had some kind of courage to put up a story. EVEN though I knew I was going to hear a LOT of bad comments about how it didn't make since or something. I knew for a fact that Lady Hades would say something and I thought that another one of you little group of lovers would say something. So I made a story that had lots and lots of "splleign" errors J … all on purpose… I know the difference between "to" and "too" "heard" and "herd" I also know the difference between "spelling" and "splleign" I just thought that the more errors the more it would be annoying.

But I was shocked… yes I got something from Lady Hades, since she knew of course this was manly to teach you fools a lesson. But I got something from some real people… they knew it had issues, and they knew that there was tons of spelling and grammar errors, but they some what enjoyed it. They thought that lady Hades and my bickering was getting out of hand. They were right, it was getting out of hand… but what they didn't know about it was I don't let people to tell me what I can do, or what I cant do… so I wasn't going to let flamers tell me what to do. And if I could jump off a high building I would, but I have more important things then getting you to shut up.

Life is important in some ways, but what's more important is others lives. Helping others and making sure that there life isn't being made a living hell. So I decided if no one else was going to stop the un wanted voices of those lesser then the ( A.K.A no one wants to here the flamers cause there lesser then every one) and defend those who are being torn down for nothing but a grammar error, or miss spelled wording. Well guess what, these people's feelings are more important then your immature obsession with trying to fix peoples issues when all you are doing is creating more problems. Some people have problems and need to get through them on there own timing, not on your timing. Its time you start thinking about some one besides your self.

I can put on a show, but you know what, I am tired. Physically drain, but I am going to take time from my healing time to teach you once more another important lesson on life. One things is for sure, one day some one is not going to have the strength to deal with your foul tongue and your idiotic brain. So now its time that feelings get hurt and to get dirty with the person spreading the dirt, and right now your first inline. Its time for you to stop ignoring others words, and listen to the cries… and learn to un freeze your heart. All this stress is giving me something to ride on, every one keeps telling you loud and clear but you don't want to hear it. I've got nothing to gain here, and nothing to fear… but I guess I have a handful of anger held in my chest right now… now lets hope your listening. You never forget the trash talking and the people to and the people who started it just like you.

Your no better then any one of those murderers. The only difference is they kill be people, and you hurt people. Is that really what you enjoy? Do you like people suffering. Are you like Hitler or something? All I am saying is I don't care if you try to tare me down, cause I don't even pay attention of the stupidity of you flamers… just do it to others. You have no right, and no say in the way others write there stories. There not trying to make profit off of it, so where the hell do you think you get the right to tell a person there story sucks? Every one feelings, and gets there feelings hurt once in a while, but not over something so stupid, that they enjoy. There going to get better, as long as there not told to stop writing. Besides your little site you gave us didn't even show up… it seems the reality of you writing is just as un true as well. Your just afraid that no one will like it, well guess what every one takes a chance when they place there story up, so why don't you give people a break. Every second I sit here timing is a second I am wasting… so let us be more like our selves and stop trying to make us more like you. Cause just as much as you don't like our stories, we don't like you with every review. What are you trying to gain here? I mean know one will remember the name of Fanfiction police… of what ever your other little names are. What they remember is those who were nice enough to review there story. Not those who criticize there stories past a certain degree. Your not giving them something to work on, your trying to make your self feel superior… but your not. So just zip it.

It seems that your not wanted.. So instead of retaliating… why don't you start trying to make a mends. You don't have a right to tell some one to stop writing let alone die. I know I may end up failing, but I know that you were like every one else with some one like you. All we want is to be more like us and not like you… were not going to be what you want us to be. Your like that bully at every school who is insecure about themselves and makes fun of others, or hurts others to make themselves feel better.


	3. ANOTHER AUTHORS NOTE

Whoa!!!! Look who's talking… stupid, nah.. don't think so. I'm just not a spelling hugging "cunt" in your words. Yeah I do love Jesus, got a problem with that? If you do go shove your self some where, of course you probably dont have any where to shove yourself... Actually I know Cadera from her stories… but no, I'm not her. I don't need to hide my identity… I just don't have time to spend hours on a story…. But you know what… I'll find the time, because I'm not scared of anything you have to say. But now since you want to play foul, I can get dirty. And not in your little perverted mind… what the fuck are you thinking jeez…

I was trying to get the point straight with out hurting what ever feelings you have… or, no, no that wasn't it… I was trying to not to be to mean and aggressive. You cant hurt my feelings because I honestly reply to you little juvenile immature comments. I reply to them cause I'm showing you that I'm not going to let you step on me. Cause your not worth it honestly… your just another one of those lonely people sitting at home wishing they could buy some kind of life. If you don't like the stories on the site… GO TO a NEW SITE! You aren't saving anything… your wasting our time with your small talk that no one wants to hear. I must have hurt your feelings for you to come and reply to my little authors note…

Now you must be stupid, I mean come on!! Seriously, you cant be that naïve you not understand what it is I am saying. HEAR CAN YOU READ IT BETTER NOW! I… AM… TEACHING… YOU… THAT… SPELLING… ISNT… EVERY…THING!!!! GRAMMAR! ISNT! EVERY! THING! Get a life if that's what you think. Your pathetic, and you call me immature. At least I have some class un like you… go kill yourself… go kill your self… your such a pathetic baby… please! Spare us your damn breath… Jeez your not even fucking cool. You say you are because your just one of those computer geeks who sit there and mask there identity because you don't want people to know how dumb you really are. Spare us your pathetic excuses of how your so smart.

You want smart then look deeper into a story then damn grammar and fucking spelling. Did you know that human nature can read any word and make it out with only the first letter and the rest mixed up.

Fkuc yuo hmmm what does that say? Let's see I might try to read your next little attack at my little comment. You're the sad one, you come on as a freaking anonymous person, who's scared now. Where's your story? Huh? Huh? Guess you do have feelings, not the appropriately feelings, but at least we know your not some kind of monster who wants to seal our souls.

Grow up please and yeah this is getting pathetic, so why don't you just quit your silly little dance and move aside so the rest of us can retain to our normal lives thank you… all I have left to say is may god have mercy on you… :P toodles my noodles foodle… pecker wood.

---- Halley-----

The world smiles on me :D

Oh and merry Christmas…


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